LEARNING TO COUNT

As children we learn to count. We count toys, days, years, money and all sorts of things that are important to us. It has been a powerful tool that helps us get through life. Counting can tell you what you have, what you don’t have and how much you need. Within a relationship these figures are vital. If you are brave enough to take the time to count the blessings and wonderful qualities you’ve been afforded through your relationship with your partner, you will then realize that you’ve got a lot to be thankful for. It will also remind you why this person is so important to you causing you to again value what you have. It will also tell you what you could potentially lose if you are not careful. Go ahead and count them. Do it now. You’ll be so glad you did.

When you do the math and find out what you don’t have, then you become privileged to what your relationship can be by adding in what it is lacking. The formula for this calculation is: You + Your Mate times Conversation on what you can do to make your relationship better = An awesome plan for a better relationship. Guys the ladies usually know exactly how to do this, so bravely dive right in. Of course all of this takes time, but believe me it is time worth taking.

In taking an honest introspective inventory of yourself you can come up with what and how much you truly need from your relationship. Too many people have no true idea as to what they need from a relationship. What’s worse is we either are afraid to ask or don’t know how or what to ask for. In many cases we are too often escaping or running from something or someone that we’ve never taken the time to know ourselves enough to know what we want prior to entering into a new relationship (see Blog Entry:  “WHY DO I ALWAYS CHOOSE THE WRONG PERSON”). Take time for you and do the inventory on whom you are and what you need. You’re worth it. 

When you learn to count and do the math you come out with some very interesting numbers.

LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH

This is an oldie, but goodie from SWM

Matthew 22:39: “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

Ephesians 5:28: “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”

Most of us clearly understand God’s command that we love others, but unfortunately some of us don’t realize that this has to first begin with love for ourselves. Oh yes we can name the Greek words for love with great pride as they roll off of our tongue “Philios, Storge, Eros and Agape”, but when it comes to loving ourselves we sometimes come up short. One cannot properly love someone else if they don’t love themselves. Loving one self is the basis on which we are able to love others. It is also that which helps us know the boundaries of that love. That’s why we are taught to love others as (we first love) ourselves. This principle helps us maintain a healthy balance when it comes to love. In other words you don’t love someone to the point of smothering them or hurting yourself. People who do not maintain self love can: forgive others, but find difficulty forgiving self, see worth in others, but not in themselves, find time to do good for others and little or no time for themselves, give compliments to others, but find it hard to receive them, see others as lovable, but themselves as unlovable. Furthermore it seems that we become confused with the scripture that tells us to deny ourselves. Some of us think it tells us to neglect ourselves. The denying of ourselves, as spoken by the scripture, is neglecting and forsaking our ways of doing, viewing and pursuing and embracing God’s ways of doing, viewing and pursuing. For instance we tend to curse those that curse us, but God’s way is to bless them that curse us and pray for them that despitefully use us (Luke 6:28). It is trading in of our old ways to embrace His ways and has nothing to do with treating ourselves bad. Loving yourself is self preserving and not selfish or self centered. It causes us to protect ourselves and thereby survive. That’s why we are taught to “save ourselves” (Acts 2:40). So before you run out there and love someone else; make sure that you already “Love The One You’re With!”

A Letter Gets Heard When You Don't

In all of my experience teaching couples to build strong, lasting and loving relationships I have found that everyone experiences a point where communication with one another becomes difficult. Sometimes situations are either too painful or problematic where verbal communication just can't be done without explosive results. I'm talking about those times where both parties want to be heard and are not interested in listening to the other person's side of the story. Everyone knows that if there is no communication the only thing that we have  left are bad attitudes, assumptions and an ever growing unhealthy situation. Whenever I have a couple that are experiencing this I always encourage them to find a way to communicate. One of the best ways that I have found to break the ice is to mail a letter to the other person without a return address. In the letter take the time to tactfully convey what you want your mate to know. Why a letter?

• It is because people will read a letter even when they have no interest in talking to you. 
• They can't argue with a letter.
• While they may get angry with what they read there is no real physical confrontation.
• They will know what is on your heart
•  It shows that you value your relationship enough to do what it takes to keep communication alive

I have never seen this fail to open up communication. Try it. Don't be surprised if you get a letter back.

What Is Love?

What is love? I know that many eons and millions of words have been spouted out on this topic, but what is this thing called love? It is the unconditional giving of oneself without losing oneself. It is the willingness to grow and share that growth with a willing partner. It is the joy of sharing and being as one yet individuals. It is the unconditional communication between two people. It is a commitment to that person to be there, to honor the other and to respect them and validate them. It is to cherish, share, smile and cry together. To experience life and all it has to offer. Where the "things" in life do not mean as much as each other. Where your hearts share and relish in one another. It is a place of contentment and experience. It is the beauty and grace of two spirits/souls intertwined in the magical journey of life. It is taking those nuances of each and combining them into tolerance and acceptance. It is the combining of two individuals into one unit, but maintaining the needed individuality for survival. It is holding, kissing, hugging, making love and the warmth of two people cuddled together. It is acknowledging the feelings and needs of each. It is a commitment to help the other in any endeavor that they should choose to embark upon. It is knowing the others heart! It is not being afraid, but being honest, caring and compassionate. It is helping your partner to grow and not yet not becoming afraid of that person, but being able to share what needs to be said and saying it in love. It is acknowledging the boundaries of each and of self and maintaining those lines.