Hey Fella, It's Not About You!

One of the most problematic things about a lady losing herself is the male's difficulty in realizing that this situation is not about him. It is difficult for him because she may blame him for a lot of how she is feeling whether he is a direct contributor or not. However, the direct problem here is that SHE HAS GIVEN AWAY TOO MUCH OF HERSELF!  This doesn't mean that the guy isn't guilty of being an inadequate mate, but what it does mean is the lady needs to again find her way back to wholeness. My brother if she is blaming you for whatever, just handle it knowing that the real problem and focus needs has to be in helping her find her way back to self. Nevertheless understand that IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! I know that's hard when everything she may be saying etc seems to be pointing your way, but if you love and respect her, then you'll be willing to walk with her through this. One of the most important things she needs during this time is security. What is security? I am glad you asked. Security is knowing that you are going to be there regardless. So, don't be so quick to walk away from her. Stop trying to fix her because she doesn't need to be fixed. The problem is that she doesn't know what's wrong herself. That's why she keeps getting frustrated with you when you try to fix her or make her tell you what's wrong. Do you love her? If you do then understand that she needs your support, listening (non-critical) ear and time. Let her talk until she feels that she has totally expressed whatever is in her heart. I know this could take hours, but believe me it is worth it. By the way, you do not and should not lose your manhood through this process because what she needs at this time is a man. Okay lets get back to the listening. The reason you should let her exhale (talk) is because it is through the process of her expressing what she feels that she can come to the conclusion of what's going on within herself. You know how it is. Some problems are bigger in your head than they are in reality and sometimes when you talk it out you ultimately resolve your own problem. Let her do this. Don't run away from this. Don't throw up your hands and say forget about it. Don't say she's tripping and for Heaven's sake don't take it personal! You've got everything it takes to help her through this. Remember, it is not about you. The problem is that she has given away too much of herself and needs to be replenished!

"Excuse Me Miss. Are You Lost?"

Standing on the street corner was a lady who looked like she was going somewhere, but for some reason she was not making any progress. The look on her face seemed to indicate a little confusion. She was looking around, started walking in one direction then stopped and turned to go in another direction and stopped again. Looking across the street she leaned forward as if she was going to cross, but hesitated. There was a real look of frustration, disappointment and confusion on her face all at the same time. I don't know how that's possible, but if you ever saw it, you would know what I'm talking about. Being the type of person I am I wanted to help, so I walked over to her and said, "Excuse me Miss are you lost?" There comes a point in every couples relationship where the lady is unable to enjoy the bond between her and her mate. Don't get me wrong she's still going through the motions, but that's all it is. Going through the motions. If you were to ask here what's wrong she would be unable to tell you. If her mate tried to find out what the problem is in an effort to fix it, she would become totally frustrated with him. Is it because he has done something wrong? Not necessarily. You see, she doesn't need to be fixed and, if the truth be told, she may not really know what is going on herself. That's why she became agitated when he attempted to get her to explain what was going on. What is going on you may ask? Well, she is in a state of what may be referred to as being lost. Sometimes we  refer to it as losing herself. How does she get there? Why does this happen? What can she do about it? Whoa! Take it easy here. One question at a time. Come on guys let the ladies get some questions in. Just kidding. Nevertheless lets get real with this. Here's what happens. Ladies give so much of themselves to the males in their lives to the point where there is literally nothing left. We've found that when they arrive at this point they seem to go on autopilot and continue giving. This continuous "pouring out" phenomenon is what we are alluding to when we say that she is lost. What about her is actually lost? That's a great question. It is the intrinsic value of self, who she is, where she's going and her personal sense of worth that seems to have slipped away from her leaving her completely unaware of what has transpired. It is sort of like giving your all and, in spite of having nothing left, everyone is expecting you to be at your best. You really cannot function properly. Think of it as her losing her sense of wholeness or better yet think of her walking around feeling incomplete with no idea as to why she is experiencing it or, for that matter, how she arrived at this point. I want to clearly drive home the point for all of us that, in many cases, she may not know that she's lost herself until she's been there for quite some time. Needless to say the poor guy has no clue what's going  on  either or, for that matter, what to do about it. Can you see how this can be a problem within a relationship?  She doesn't realize that she's lost herself and he is totally unaware of what's going on.