Loving My Very Best Friend

I used to hear that if you got into a relationship with your best friend (of the opposite sex of course) that you would ruin the relationship. However, after being married for a good amount of years, I can truly say that if you want a successful relationship your mate had better be your best friend! If not you may not make it. In fact it would behoove us to incorporate some of the exceptional qualities of a best friend relationship into our romantic ones. Let's look at some of the special things about best friends:

• They accept one another's faults and remain friends
• There's a feeling of trust, confidence and family between them
• When they have disagreements they find a way to get past them and remain close
• They don't get offended easily because, in their minds, their friend has no ill will towards them

Isn't it interesting that we sometimes treat our best friends better than our mates? How is it that we can forgive our best friend and not our mate or accept the mistakes of our best friend and not our mate? If we were to make the love of our life our best friend, then we very well might find ourselves:

• falling in love over and over again
• in a relationship where there is much more security
• receiving the acceptance and room to grow that you've always been looking for
• experiencing a relationship that is not only enjoyable, but totally fulfilling

By the way, those wonderful feelings of euphoria you get at the beginning of the relationship tend to wane after a while, but if you are best friends they come back over and over again. Being best friends is what keeps  you together between those times when the passion has somewhat slowed down.  I don't know about you, but I'm going to continue loving my very best friend. In fact, I've got some more loving to do right now. 

He Has A Need To Earn Your Time

Believe it or not there are times when women find men just as complicated as men find them. What do I mean? Well it seems that some ladies think that if they immediately give guys everything they desire that it will somehow make them more valuable that man. Unfortunately they find out, much to their dismay, just the opposite happens. Why do men react this way? Well there is a need within males to conquer things or, to put it a better way, a need to feel that they were somehow able to earn your time, attention and favor. When this takes place they feel good about what they have acquired and place more value on it. This is not necessarily a conscious thing within them, but it is certainly there. If a guy doesn’t earn your time, he will  more than likely take it and you for granted. It won’t mean very much to him. If he can have everything he desires from you without any kind of effort, then he’ll more than likely find someone else who makes him earn it and come back to you whenever he feels the notion. In his mind you are just easy and will always be there. I know this sounds like I am telling you to play games with him, but I am not. What I am telling you is that you need to understand the way men determine value. When you understand it, then go ahead and act accordingly. Don’t be vindictive. Just reserve some of yourself by making him earn your time and attention. I had a friend who was always talking to this guy on the phone and was wondering why he never asked her out. I told her that he didn’t have to take her out because he felt that he was spending time with her on the phone. Now ladies you and I both know that talking on the phone is not really spending time with someone, but he thought so. After allowing her to gather herself, I explained to her what she needed to do if she wanted him to take her out. You’re waiting for me to tell you what I told her? Oh okay. I told her that when he called she should be very happy to hear from him, but make the conversation short. Let him know that she was busy taking care of the laundry, homework, cooking dinner or whatever. However, she should always let him know that she is sorry that she has to go, she really enjoyed hearing from him and is looking forward to spending time (wink, wink) with him again. Within one week he was asking her out to dinner. Now I would like to reiterate that I am not saying that you should play games with anyone’s heart, but what I am saying is that you need to understand, like my friend did, how men determine value.

The First Rule Of Marriage

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Why would God tell his son, a man who had no apparent mother besides the Earth, to leave his father and mother and cling to his wife? It is because it is a shift in thinking and relationships that must be done so that his marriage can work. This principle is so important that it can be found at least four times in the Bible. It teaches us that no one and nothing should come before a man’s wife not his mother, father, children, friends, hobbies, cars and any other thing that he holds dear in his life. Too many find this shift difficult for numerous reasons the least of which is the fact that there is a lack of security and trust. Wait a minute you’re talking about my mother! I am quite aware of this, but do you realize who made the rule? God is Adam’s father and from the perspective of being his dad he told his son to cleave to his wife. Is your mother greater than God? Hold it pastor these are my children! Yes I know, but a marriage cannot be based upon the children because it won’t work. Eventually they will be gone and, if you don’t watch yourself, basing your marriage on them may totally destroy it. There is much I can say about that, but I won’t. The most important thing is that for the man there should be no one that comes before his wife and for the wife there should be no one that comes before your husband. Without compliance to this rule your marriage is destined for major problems.

Actually, She Wasn’t Asking You A Question

Hey guys have you ever experienced the following scenario?


BISHOP: “Okay Joe, so your lady was getting dressed and comes over to you and asks you which dress she should wear. You pick one of the dresses and she immediately decides to wear the other dress. I realize and clearly understand that it frustrated you, but guess what? She wasn’t really asking your opinion.”


JOE: “Well it certainly sounded like she was!”


BISHOP: “I know, but she wasn’t really asking you for one.”


JOE: “What do mean? What in the world are you talking about? A question is a question and if she’s going to ask my opinion and doesn’t plan on taking my advice, then why does she do it? Is she trying to drive me crazy? Will we ever understand women?”


BISHOP: “Uh….. excuse me. Bishop to Joe. Come on back brother. Okay. Maybe I need to explain the situation a bit. As I have taught in the past females think and speak in a different language than males.”


JOE: You got that right!”


BISHOP: “Joe?”


JOE: “Okay. Sorry pastor.”


BISHOP: “As I was saying the ladies have a different way of communicating than we do and this is simply one of those examples. While it appeared to you that she was asking you a question, what she was doing in reality was including you in her world. It was her way of letting you know that you are a priority in her life. In other words it was just another way to let you know that she loves you.”


JOE: “Are you kidding me?


BISHOP: “Nope. She was not asking you a question.”


JOE: “Thanks pastor. I get it. I don’t, but I do.”

Just Say No

Guys to keep a relationship solid you’ve sometimes got to say NO. Yes I know she is going to contest in one manner or another seemingly until she get her way, but there’s something else you need to understand. With few exceptions most women don’t always want a man who agrees with everything she wants or suggests. She actually expects you to disagree and literally say no to some of her requests, decisions and ideas. Why? Well it gives her an indication as to whether she has a MAN or just someone who has lost his manhood. Now don’t think beyond any stretch of your imagination that she’s not going to contest. She’s going to contest! However, after it all over in the quietness of her private moments she’ll sort of smile in the assurance of knowing that she has got a real man. In fact you may over hear her on the phone discussing it with a sense of pride to one of her girlfriends, “And honey the little man in him rose up."

You Don’t Have To Lose Your Manhood

One of the things I find interesting about teaching these “Eve Factor” principles to my brothers is the misconception that you’re in danger of losing your manhood if you work too hard on making your relationship successful. Nothing is farther from the truth. In fact ladies want a MALE MAN. They don’t want you to become too soft because then they’ll inadvertently have to take up some of the slack that you leave behind. She would have to handle the responsibilities that you would be waiting on her to take care of, deal with you not being willing to make a decision and things as simple as handling all of the details of a night out together and surprising her with it.  Just like one of the results of a lady “losing herself” is you also losing her, so it is when you lose your MANHOOD she also loses that part of you too. So, please understand that the object of learning to strengthen your relationship is not to suck the masculinity out of you, but to strengthen it with knowledge and experience. In fact preserving your masculinity also protects and allows her femininity to flourish. I have seen even the toughest ladies become more feminine when she has a man who handles his responsibilities and maintains his manhood, which also encompasses him embracing his inner gentleman. So while your lady wants you to be able to communicate, listen and be mindful of her, she does not want you to lose your manhood. If you do lose it you may very lose her while you think you are yet with her.